Control
by im-a-yogi
Summary: (Pre-season one) With Jack and Nina it's all about control... Is it OK to let it slip?
1. Chapter One

**Control** - Part One

* * *

He was drunk. It was obvious even to himself.

Nina was sitting across the table watching him silently. He had done almost all the talking tonight but he was thankful to her for listening. It wasn't like he had that many people around him who he could confide in. He had tried to buy her another drink but she had shaken her head, an unreadable little smile playing on her lips. In front of her on the table her second drink remained untouched. He thought he could guess why. Nina Myers hated losing control. He used to hate it too... before everything he had taken for granted had been taken away from him.

Now losing control had started to feel good... even though he knew it shouldn't. It scared him at the same time. At work everything was just as upside down as his homelife. Ever since he had decided to turn in the dirty agents he had felt himself being questioned, scrutinized and slandered by everyone from his superiors over at Division to the janitor at CTU.

Well, not everyone...

He looked over to her and caught her staring at him. She didn't look down when his eyes met hers and he stared back. What was she thinking? How many times had he wished he could read her mind? Maybe just as many times as he had wanted her in his bed?

The thought flashed through his mind before he could stop himself and he realized she could probably see it on him... How come he felt like his mind was an open book to her?

_Well, at least my drunken and dirty mind_, he corrected himself and finished his scotch. He thought about getting another one but she placed a hand on his arm.

"Haven't you had enough tonight, Jack? Don't you think I should drive you home?"

He looked down at his arm, her fingers squeezing lightly before she retracted her hand and more fantasies popped up in his mind. What would she do if he tried to kiss her?

The look on her face suggested to him that she might not mind...

He shook his head. No, he didn't like losing control after all so why did he put himself in this state?

To finally dare to tell her?

Another unwanted thought - a dark desire of wanting to control _her_... Or perhaps it was just a wish to see her lose control once. See her lose her cool facade, watch her come undone...

His last thought made him close his eyes. He should let her drive him home now.

But he didn't move and when he opened his eyes she was leaning back and watching the TV screen over the bar. The football game was over and the news was on. The sound was off but he caught a glimpse of some segment on Senator Palmer's campaign before he turned his eyes back to Nina. She watched the screen for a minute, her face unreadable, and then she looked at him. Something flashed in her eyes but then she smiled.

_A seductive smile_, he thought. _She must know how it affects me..._

He wanted another drink, needed another drink, and got the waitress' attention. Nina just looked at him when he ordered and he was starting to wonder about her silence. He realized that he had spent the entire evening discussing his failed marriage. Perhaps not the best way of letting her know what he wanted! Who was he trying to convince with all his talk about Teri and Kim? Himself?

"No more talk about me..." Only afterwards did he realize he had said it out loud.

She smiled.

His drink came and he paid. This was his last order or he would do something stupid.

Like touching her hand resting on the table next to her glass.

He downed half his drink and stretched his legs. His leg brushed against hers and suddenly his hand had moved across the table almost on its on volition.

His fingers brushed over hers and he stared down at them, wondering how she would react but not ready to look into her eyes.

Her hand didn't move away - he had known it wouldn't. Instead her fingers laced with his and he heard her sigh.

He looked up and saw her dejected expression.

"What do you want, Jack? Do you even know?"

He looked down at their hands. What did he want?

He watched their fingers moving slowly together, her thumb caressing his knuckle and his index finger sliding against her middle finger. She sighed again and squeezed his hand before letting go.

"You have talked about you wife and daughter all night, Jack. I don't think this is what you want..."

"I want you..." There, he had said it and relief mixed with regret went through his head.

She looked down, this time it seemed like she was unable to look him in the eye.

"Is this really a good idea?" she asked. "We work together and... You _are_ married, Jack. Isn't that what you have told me all night?"

"Separated..." he corrected her. But she was right.

"You still wear your ring even though you say your marriage is over. That tells me you don't really want it to be..."

"I wear it to avoid the gossip before the divorce is final..."

"Everybody knows, Jack... You can never hide anything from people at work - which is why I don't think this is a good idea..."

He swallowed the last of his drink and slammed the glass down on the table. Why did she have to think all the time? Plan and analyze? Those were all necessary and admirable qualities in their job – but here? Couldn't she, for once, do something simply because she wanted to or felt like it? He _knew_ she wanted him too...

"What do _you_ want, Nina? And please don't analyze or overthink – just answer!"

She looked up but she didn't say anything.

"What do you want, Nina?" he repeated.

"Does it matter, Jack?"

"It matters... Do you want me?"

She leaned back in her chair, increasing the distance between them. Her hands resting in her lap. She didn't lower her gaze and staring back at her he saw nothing in her face that revealed what she really felt.

He should stop. Perhaps he was mistaken? He _was_ drunk after all... He knew he was probably making a fool out of himself but he just wanted her to answer. He just wanted to know if what he had seen in her eyes lately really was what he thought it was. But she was silent.

"Is there a reason why you can't admit that you want it as bad as I do?"

His question seemed to amuse her and she gave him a superior little smirk. "You can't always get what you want, Jack..."

At first he thought she was talking about him but she was making a general comment. She looked away, staring again at the TV over the bar.

"Just admit it then... I won't ask anything more from you..."

She smiled and he knew that she, rightfully, doubted that he was telling the truth.

"So what if I want you, Jack?" Her eyes challenged him now. "Why would I let myself get hurt? Because I inevitably will... You are my boss and I'm a woman - my career will be over when it gets out... You'll go back to your wife and daughter and there will be a few remarks around the office about your little midlife crisis and how you fooled around with your co-worker and that's it... Until it starts getting uncomfortable and you ask me if I wouldn't mind transferring out of the office..."

"Dammit, Nina, just say it..." His voice was harder now as he cut her off. Her voice had sounded agitated when she talked about how it would end and he felt satisfied over finally getting some kind of reaction from her. He had driven this too far to let it go and after a moment of silence she finally answered.

"I want you..." She said it with the same control as always, her voice almost blasé and at first he didn't realize what she had said but then he was enraged. His need for her was slowly driving him crazy... Was she not affected at all? _Always in control..._

But then he caught the look in her eye before she looked away. Sadness and longing, and he grabbed her hand again. "Nina... "

"You know I'm not willing to risk my career." She leaned forward. "What kind of position do you think I'll be able to get after this?"

Her statement surprised him a little. "I didn't think you cared that much anymore..."

"Why would you think that?" She stared intensely at him, eager to hear his answer.

"The last year or so you just seemed content working here... I remember how you used to talk about promotion and even changing jobs but lately..."

"Maybe I found something just as important as my career, Jack" she said seriously and he stared at her, wondering what she could mean. "Or maybe I'm just a bit distracted at the moment?" She gave him a little smile and tilted her head. "I like working with you, Jack... but eventually..."

He nodded. "But why would I sabotage anything for you just because we sleep together? I need you there... You are my best agent, Nina."

She shook her head, her face determined and resolute as she pulled her hand away from his. "This is a terrible idea... and I better drive you home, Jack."

He put his face in his palms and realized he had probably blown it. Pushing her wasn't the right way to get her into his bed. Was this considered sexual harassment? A nagging thought of how things would be at the office the next day and he already felt uncomfortable.

But then he looked up at her and saw the way she looked at him and he smiled back.

So, maybe tonight wasn't the night. But soon...


	2. Chapter Two

**Control** **- Part Two

* * *

**

She sensed his presence before she even heard his footsteps.

She was waiting impatiently for the elevator and he was now standing behind her, a little to her right.

His embarrassment over what had happened the other night amused her. She was the one in control. But she had been angry with him. Angry because he had pushed her into a corner and forced her to say she wanted him.

Did she? Want him?

It didn't matter... She had said it because he needed to hear it. If she hadn't said it, after what he had admitted, she might have lost his trust and he might choose to confide in someone else. But then again - who did he have to confide in now besides her?

She heard him clear his throat. He wanted her to know he was standing there because she had done nothing to indicate that she was aware of his presence. So she turned her head and looked at him. She gave him a reassuring little smile and saw him relax.

They hadn't talked about what had been said in the bar yet. She hoped they wouldn't...

Getting involved with him was not part of her plan. It would set her back - in many ways. She would never be able to control someone so clearly out of it... and she needed to stay on top of things - or she might wind up dead. But she couldn't let things stay this tense between them either. She needed to stay close with him...

She turned back and watched the digits showing the elevator's slow descent to their floor.

6--5--4--Bing

The elevator doors opened and they both took a step to the side to let Jamey and Tony out before stepping inside the elevator. The doors closed and they were alone. He reached out and pressed the last button on the panel.

They were both going to the parking garage. He was leaving for a meeting over at Division and she was on her way to a police station downtown to see a man they had in custody.

She slowly turned her head and took a quick glance at his profile. He looked tired. She wanted to comfort him but pressed those thoughts to the back of her mind. But maybe they should try and get some comfort from each other?

He didn't look at her, instead he stared straight ahead and she started thinking about how to break the ice, how to make things like they used to be, between them again.

He was staring at the emergency stop button... At least that was what he seemed to be doing. What if he suddenly reached out and pressed it? The thought excited her... What went on in his mind now?

The other night she had been so sick of hearing him rant about his wife and his daughter at the same time as he so clearly wanted to sleep with her. He was so easy to read.

_What the hell is he doing?_ she had thought. _Mention Teri's name one more time and I will get the hell out of here..._

But then he had looked at her _that_ way again and she couldn't help herself being intrigued.

What would sex with Jack Bauer be like? Like in her fantasies? Her secret fantasies where he pushed her up against a wall and ripped her clothes off... Fantasises where he gave her no opportunity to think, hesitate or refuse. All she could do was to follow his lead and let herself be overcome by desire.

Losing her control could be dangerous but perhaps just once? And only temporarily... A part of her craved it, needed it...

She shook her head, ridding herself of the thoughts and realized she was the one staring at the stop button.

She had to focus on her assignment now, and not let herself get distracted. She had an important job to do, a dirty and gruesome job, but her orders had been clear.

In her mind she went over what she knew about the arrested man. He was a former member of a small terrorist group that CTU had been watching for years. 46 years old. A loner with no family left. Never married. Been in prison twice before - once for aggravated assault and once for a bombing in Philadelphia which killed 15 men and women. Hated the government and anything associated with it. She had his profile already figured out in her head. Her job wouldn't be too difficult.

He had been caught driving a truck with explosives - a lot of explosives. She figured it was for _them_.

So she had been sent to make sure he didn't reveal anything... She wasn't worried or concerned. She always worked best under pressure, and she was sure her plan would work. In her breast pocket she had a small cyanide capsule.

Of course the best solution would be if he chose to end his own life but if necessary she would help him...

_Make sure he doesn't talk._

Her contact didn't need to explain what would happen if she failed.

She had to pull some strings to go and see this man alone, but it was absolutely necessary that she got to him before anyone else from CTU did. Jack had no idea where she was going, they were working on different assignments at the moment, and she was glad. He would demand that she took someone with her.

Jack was looking at the files in her hand.

"Jim Ferris? Was that the man they caught with more than 1000 pounds of explosives in his truck?"

She nodded.

"You're going to interrogate him? Alone?"

_Dammit_

"They have him in custody downtown. I'm just going to ask him a few questions - I don't think he'll answer any of them and most likely he doesn't know anything..." She sounded bored.

He looked at her and she suddenly got the sense that he would screw up her plan. She would have to do something to take his mind off this.

She looked him in the eyes, knowing what he could see in them now that she wasn't hiding her feelings from him.

He got it. He started to say something but the elevator doors opened. They had reached the parking garage.

Getting their car keys she knew he wanted to talk to her but the guard was sitting behind the desk and would be able to hear anything they said.

But then he suddenly grabbed her arm and pushed her around the corner, into the shadows. They were now out of sight from both the guard behind the desk and the guards at the exit.

She should have been prepared for what happened – she had only herself to blame. He pressed himself against her and suddenly his mouth was covering hers. Without thinking she kissed him back, opening her mouth to let his tongue in, and moaned softly as she felt his hands travel down her body.

He was kissing her neck when she started begging him to stop. What else could she do? _Not now. Not here. Not today of all days... _She put her hands firmly against his chest and pushed him back.

He stared at her wildly for a moment before he nodded and took a step back, letting her go.

"I better get over to Division or Chappelle will have a fit..." he mumbled as he turned around and started walking, leaving her breathless and leaning against the wall.

He was just going to leave? He couldn't just kiss her like that and then walk away... Her pulse still raced and she couldn't deny the way her body had reacted. A part of her had wanted him to ignore her plea to stop.

Damn him... Why did he force her like this? She wasn't going to get involved with him – it was out of the question. But how else would she be able to stay close with him now if she didn't? She went on cursing herself. It was all because the look she had shot him in the elevator – the look that was supposed to make him forget about interfering in her assignment. Well, it had worked.

He was by his car now and he turned around and looked at her. She quickly took a deep breath and emerged from the shadows. Another reassuring smile. _Yes, she was ok_, and she quickly got into her car.

She checked her lipstick in the rear-view mirror and told herself to focus. She was still in control.


	3. Chapter Three

**Control** - Part Three

* * *

Her head hurt. A pounding headache that made her press her fingers hard against her temple and rubbing them in circles. She staggered out into the kitchen and, without turning on the lights, she opened the cabinet and brought out the bottle of aspirin. 

She sighed after she had swallowed the pills down with half a glass of water and returned to the living room and the couch.

Sitting there, in the dark, felt good and maybe the pills started to work already because she was finally relaxing.

_What a day. What a fucking day._

Returning to CTU she had hoped to avoid running into anyone who knew what happened but Mason had been there – and he had already been informed.

She had told him she couldn't be reached tonight. She would leave the phone off the hook and her pager and cell turned off.

Mason had seemed unusually understanding as he placed a hand on her arm and told her to go home. The report could wait until tomorrow - he would talk to Jack...

For once she hadn't challenged him, hadn't stared at him until he lowered his gaze. She saw how he enjoyed seeing her in this state. He was not able to hide his gloating over finally being able get a glimpse of weakness in her, seeing her lose her professional and cool demeanour.

_The sexist pig._

But this time it was all according to plan. Anyone would have been shocked after such an experience and the real reason behind her agitation and apparent inner turmoil was easily disguised behind her pale, tired face and the false gratitude in her eyes.

She had gathered her stuff, shooting a quick glance up to Jack's dark, empty office, and then she hurried home.

The headache had started in the car and once she got home she had thrown herself onto the couch.

She hadn't thought it would affect her like this.

Of course she had been prepared to feel something... Anxiety, fear, guilt even - but in the end it was the emptiness that affected her. That scared her. She felt nothing now.

She should try and get some sleep. She had been sitting here in the dark for hours and now the headache seemed to be gone. She was just about to get up from the couch when there was a soft knock on the door.

She immediately knew who it was. Of course he would make sure she was OK.

She moved to the door to let him in.

Into her apartment. Into her bed. Into her.

* * *

The door opened and her small frame was hard to make out in the darkness of her apartment. But the faint light from the lamp in the ceiling further down the corridor lit up her pale face. Her pallor made him worried. Even more worried than he had been sitting in his car outside her apartment building, staring up at her dark windows, dialling her number again and hoping she would pick up this time. _Maybe she isn't home_, he had thought, but he knew he had to find out.

He had been unprepared for this: A Nina visibly shaken by the day's events. Nothing strange, any agent would have been just as upset, but he realized he had never seen her like this. She was always so coolheaded. _Always in control._

She took a step back and let him in. Her gaze was fixed somewhere on his shirt - she didn't look him in the eye. She was still wearing the clothes she had worn to work and he wondered if she had even eaten anything when she got home.

"Were you sleeping?" he asked but he could see that she hadn't been. She didn't look drowsy.

She shook her head.

"Are you OK?" He reached out for her but she turned around and walked into the living room. He followed her and watched her as she turned on a small lamp in the window and another one on the table in the corner. He saw her squinting her eyes trying to get used to the lights and he wanted to hold her.

He knew all about sitting alone in dark, empty rooms...

"I'm fine, Jack"

But her delayed answer didn't reassure him one bit. He saw something else in her eyes.

Her vulnerability evoked such strong feelings in him. It made him want to take care of her, make her feel better, make her forget all about what had happened. His protective instincts mixed with his usual desire for her.

"You know there is always a risk of..." he started but she interrupted him.

"I'm just tired, Jack." Her voice was steady and she looked at him unwavering.

"You don't have to pretend with me... It's OK not to be strong all the time... What you saw today..."

She shifted and crossed her arms.

"It's not your fault, Nina. You did nothing wrong. The police made a mistake. They didn't even have him on suicide watch."

She sighed and he started wondering if there was something else troubling her or if she really just didn't want to talk about it. She looked away now, clearly annoyed.

He took a step towards her wanting desperately to comfort her but she moved away again.

"Would you like something to drink?"

He shook his head but she still disappeared into the kitchen.

Why was she shying away from his touch? Running away from him like this? Was it because of the kiss?

He had been able to touch her affectionately in the past. A hug when another case had been solved, a quick rub of her tense neck muscles when she was sitting at her desk, a hand on her arm or shoulder letting her know he knew she was tired and that he understood. She had not avoided touching him either. Over the years they had become increasingly comfortable with each other, a perfect working relationship, and he didn't want to lose what they had built up just because of a kiss...

He looked around her living room. He had been here only once before. He had dropped off some files for her and she had invited him in for coffee. He had been a little surprised by her invitation but never hesitated to come inside, even though he was on his way home. He had been sitting in her couch, a cup of coffee on the table next to the documents, and they had talked about non-work related things for the first time. It was years ago, but it was then he had started to feel closer to her.

Her apartment was small, neat and comfortable. Not much had changed in here since his last visit. No photos or personal memorabilia and this only seemed to add to the mystery that was Nina. He knew he wanted to know more about her, everything about her, but at the same time the mystery excited him.

_She's been out there for quite some time_, he thought and walked towards the kitchen.

* * *

In the kitchen she leaned against the counter and closed her eyes. She had to get away from Jack, his persistent talk about the day, and his importunate concern about her. It wasn't like she deserved it – or even needed it. She just wanted to forget...

But it wouldn't leave her alone and as the scene in the interrogation room replayed in her mind she realized she did feel something after all... She just didn't know what.

_"I won't talk", he said finally and she turned the tape recorder off._

_"Is that a promise", she said in a detached voice that made his eyes widen in surprise. He wasn't so stupid after all. He realised who she was. Fear in his eyes that made her feel powerful but a little hesitant. Perhaps he never would talk now that he knew they could get to him. Perhaps it wasn't really necessary? But it didn't matter..._

_"HE'S KILLING HIMSELF!"_

_It had not been difficult to act rattled and shocked when she screamed for the guard. Angry she had yelled at them, scowled at them demanding to know why they hadn't checked him properly when they arrested him. Didn't they understand he was likely to commit suicide? He must have hidden cyanide in his mouth..._

_Right after she had been disgusted. He was not the first person she had watched die. But he was the first person who died by her hands and the sounds he was making, his wild bulging eyes as the poison started working in his body, and the foam forming around his mouth made her feel sick._

So, now she knew she was capable of it - she could kill.

A part of her was horrified by herself. How and when had she transformed into this cold person? But she told herself she had done the world a service. The man was scumbag - and hadn't she done him a service too? Now he didn't have to rot away in jail, his hate growing stronger with every year as he felt his life taken away from him ...

_Remind you of someone?_

God, she didn't want to think about him now. But it was too late... Memories of visits to the maximum security prison as a child. A well-kept secret. Her aunt coming with her as her mother refused to even mention the name of the man who fathered her but never acknowledge her as his, at least not legally. But he had known she was his daughter. Looking into her eyes he had known. What had he seen in her when she was barely four years old that made him realize that they were kindred?

She didn't visit him many times. Her aunt passed away and she couldn't go there by herself, and besides – her father scared her too much. In spite of her youth she had been able to see how hatred had consumed him – that it was all that was left in him. With every visit he had become darker and scarier, sometimes she thought he had gone insane but he had just realized he had no way out. The last time she saw him was a couple of months after he had tried to escape. It was his final attempt to reclaim his life and his failure broke him completely. He was just out of solitary and the gunshot wound in his shoulder had almost healed. Her aunt, her father's sister, had looked at him with pity and he had been outraged. She hadn't seen him since but she knew he was still alive...

Her father. The killer. A man for hire. Strange how things seemed to run in circles.

It dawned on her how good of an agent in field ops she could have been. How successful she could have been as an undercover agent for the good side. Ironic that a talent like hers was wasted behind a desk. They didn't know what she really was capable of... She could have been just as good an agent as Jack Bauer himself.

And as if the thought of him willed him to her she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head and looked at him, suddenly feeling a greater respect for him – he was a killer too. More so than her...

He had killed many men, both working undercover and while he was in the Army, that much he had let her know over the years as he slowly opened up. He never revealed any details, a lot of the stuff was classified, but she knew it haunted him and that he wasn't able to talk about it with his wife. But he was still capable of loving, caring and being happy, wasn't he?

His hand was rubbing her back more intently and there was no disputing the effect his hands had on her body, she felt herself relaxing and she turned back around. Both his hands were massaging her tense muscles now and she closed her eyes, contemplating her options. It was obvious that he wanted her, seeing her like this only seemed to make him want her more. She thought she knew why – he wanted to feel needed. She knew how much he missed his family. He was not used to being alone, living alone, eating alone, sleeping alone...

She was.

She was used to it but it didn't mean she liked it and sometimes she longed for something else. So maybe this was what she needed? A normal relationship wasn't something she could have now anyway... She knew he would leave her in a heartbeat if Teri wanted him back, and she eventually would, Nina had no doubts about that. But right now Jack wanted _her_ and it felt good to be desired.

She felt him stepping closer. He was standing behind her pressing himself against her and his hands wandered to her hips. He leaned forward and she felt his warm breath in her ear before he spoke.

"Nina... Let me in..."

They both stood perfectly still. Only his hands moved slightly as his fingers dug deeper into her hips. Then a tiny sigh escaped her lips as she found her resistance melt away.

_You want this. Give him what he needs. Give yourself what you need. It's too late to go back now._

She turned slowly in his arms and looked up at him. The concern and affection in his eyes mixed with desire and she realized a short relinquishing of control was a small price to pay for feeling alive.

He mumbled her name.

It was she who kissed him this time, trying to hold on to the control just a little longer by taking the initiative now. Carefully tasting his lips, giving him permission to deepen the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He pushed himself harder against her and she felt his tongue moving against hers and her control slipping.

Let him in? She actually wished she could...


	4. Secret Chapter

_Author's note: Wasn't going to post this but changed my mind! Jack and Nina needed some happy times...;D_  
  
****

**Control** - Part 4

* * *

He watched her sleep from the edge of the bed. He was half dressed already but he was reluctant to wake her, a little nervous how things would be now. But he had to go so…  
  
He reached out and stroked the hair out of her face and caressed her cheek. He watched her eyelids flutter as she slowly woke up. He kissed her shoulder and she looked a little startled when she opened her eyes. But she quickly closed them again and curled up like a cat.  
  
"What time is it?" She sounded a little worried and he quickly answered.  
  
"It's only six. I have to go back home and change." She nodded and he caressed her cheek again.  
  
She stirred. "I'm getting up too."  
  
"Nina, you don't have to. Take the day off…"  
  
She smiled sleepily. "I can't do that…"  
  
"Well, at least come in a little late…" He stroked her hair and leaned forward placing a soft kiss on her forehead.  
  
She raised her head and she pulled him down for a kiss, her lips so intoxicating under his.  
  
"One of the perks of sleeping with your boss?" she asked in an amused tone and he smiled and kissed her again.  
  
"I really must go, Nina… I can't be late today."  
  
"It's OK, Jack… I'll be in right after you..."  
  
He had left her and driven home. He showered and shaved and couldn't wipe the grin off his face as he watched himself in the mirror. He felt good. So good.  
  
He bought some coffee on the way in and realized that he wasn't surprised when he saw Nina's car already in the garage when he got to CTU. He just kept on smiling. Towards the guard. Towards a grumpy Tony and towards Nina who looked up the second he came in, like she could feel his presence. She smiled back but quickly lowered her gaze and he headed up to his office taking two steps at the time.  
  
He wanted to call her, just hear her voice, and perhaps scold her a little for being here already but he decided to wait. He felt an energy he hadn't felt in months and took of his jacket and hung it in his locker. He watched his reflection in the mirror and smiled again. He could take on the world today… He sat down at his desk eager to start working.  
  
He looked at his left hand. The ring. He fingers traced it, turning it around his finger. Was it time to take it off? His marriage was over, wasn't it? Not that he was sure about what last night had meant. Nina had been so reluctant in the bar, stating clearly that she didn't want to get involved with him. Had she changed her mind? He didn't know what he really felt for her - but he definitely wanted her again.  
  
Memories of the night washed over him. Stumbling around, pulling her clothes off, tasting her lips, her skin, her arousal. Naked skin against naked skin, sweating and breathing hard. Pushing her down, pushing inside and almost exploding from the sensation. She had been ready for him, moaning underneath him, moving with him in ecstasy, with a wild desire he had longed for and hadn't seen or felt in years. She had been loud, told him what she wanted and taken everything he had to give her. When she slid down his body and took him in her mouth he had kept mumbling her name.  
  
He smiled again and realized this was the first time he slept with a woman other than his wife in almost 18 years… He looked at the photo on his desk. His smile faded slowly and he felt a little disappointed. Disappointed in himself that he hadn't been able to make it work. That he had failed his daughter… and Teri too. He took the ring off and put it in his top drawer before he turned on the computer.  
  
The phone started ringing. It was going to be a busy couple of days…

* * *

"Nina, come with me!"  
  
Jack was hurrying past her on his way to a lunch meeting and she looked up in surprise. She caught Tony's disapproving look and smiled towards him, rolling her eyes. _Well, there's Jack for you.  
_  
She glanced down at her sandwich. "Seems like I won't be eating lunch now…" She looked up at Tony. "You want it?" She grabbed her jacket and started running after Jack and barely heard Tony's response.  
  
"Sure, thanks."  
  
Jack was walking fast and she caught up with him right by the elevators. Too many people around them. No chance to ask where they were going or why he needed her to come along. All she knew was what he had told him an hour ago – he was going to a meeting and he had wanted her to reschedule some of his prior engagements for the day.  
  
They were by his car when she started to ask him but he interrupted her.  
  
"Just get in the car, Nina."  
  
She did as he said, but shot him a questioning glance. What was he up to?  
  
Driving out of the garage she turned towards him. "Where are we going, Jack?"  
  
He was looking straight ahead but she still saw it. His little smile.  
  
"There is no lunch meeting, is there, Jack?"  
  
He smiled and looked at her. "Oh, yeah, but it's just going to be you and me…"  
  
"Jack, we don't have enough time to drive all the way home and then back again…"  
  
"We're not going home" he said as he pulled the car over and into a parking lot.  
  
A motel.  
  
She watched him as he parked the car and then he suddenly looked up at her and she saw a little hesitation in his eyes.  
  
"Too seedy?"  
  
"No…" She shook her head and realized how much she appreciated that he asked.  
  
"Wait in the car…"  
  
She felt a little nervous. What if someone saw them? This was a risk. She didn't take risks – she planned everything carefully. _Well, except for the other night_, she reminded herself. She hadn't planned for it and now she was going to have to roll with it. With anticipation and excitement she watched him coming out of the reception and she opened the car door and got out.  
  
He was nodding towards the end of the U-shaped building and she started walking when she heard him lock the car. She slowed down a little not knowing if their room was on the first or second floor and he caught up with her.  
  
"Up the stairs" he said in a hoarse voice and she nodded.  
  
He reached the top of the stairs before her and opened the second door, stepping aside to let her in. She caught a glimpse of a beige carpet, light yellow curtains and a bed with a flowery bedspread before he spun her around.  
  
The door slammed shut when he kicked it and his hands were already working on peeling her jacket off her shoulders. She let him take it off her before she moved her arms around him, pulling the hem of his shirt out of his pants. He kissed her hard and started pushing her back against the bed. His hands snaked around her and started working on the zipper to her skirt and she answered his kisses unable to repress moaning into his mouth as she felt his hands move up under her top. She managed to step out of her skirt and kicked it away and it landed in a pile on the floor soon to be joined by his shirt. Her hands were working on his belt but he pushed her hands away, he was faster. She stumbled back, yanking her top over her head, and bumped into the bed. He shoved her back and she pulled him down with her.  
  
So it was going to happen again? She was losing control once more but right now it only felt good…  
  
---  
  
They were lying side by side in the bed, sweaty and flushed. A couple of minutes ago he had been on top of her, riding out the waves of their climax but now their breathing was calming down. She couldn't stifle a little laugh and he turned towards her smiling broadly.  
  
"God, I needed this…" she said honestly. It _was_ just what she needed, all the tension and the worries of the last couple days seemed to be gone.  
  
"Me too…" he admitted. "It was either this or D343"  
  
"D343?" She gave him a puzzled glance and he grinned.  
  
"You know… that file room on the third floor… filled with backup copies from the intelligence exchange with South East Asia…" He grasped her hand and his fingers laced with hers. "Nobody ever goes in there… and there are no cameras…"  
  
She squeezed his hand and smiled. "Good to know, Jack"  
  
"But I thought this… was… better…" he kissed her shoulder, his lips travelling up to her ear. "A bed and a shower…"  
  
"Mmmm…" She moaned softly at the feeling of his lips against her neck and she moved a hand up to his hair, pulling him close. They had to get going but she was so reluctant to let him go.  
  
She was enjoying seeing his playful side - his happy and relaxed side. It made her relax too… It made this feel less dangerous but the more she thought about it she realized that perhaps it only made things even more dangerous. Losing control? Feeling too comfortable? Almost feeling happy? She could get careless and what would happened then?  
  
But his hands were moving over her and his breath as he chuckled against her neck, telling her how he wished they had a little more time, made her smile.  
  
She nodded in agreement to his proposal that he should come over tomorrow night. 'Dinner and…' She smiled broadly now – the 'and' sounded most promising.


	5. Chapter Five

_Author's notes: Just a short update..._

**Control** - Part Five

* * *

"What's wrong, Jack?"

He shook his head. "Nothing, I'm just tired."

"You've been quiet since you got back from dinner... is something wrong? Is Kim OK? Is..."

He looked at her. He couldn't really tell her the truth, could he? How Kim had mentioned that Teri had been on a date. How he had just stared at his daughter and felt so cold inside. He was sleeping with another woman – about to make love to her right now – and he was so upset by the news of Teri just going on a date? He didn't want to know. He didn't want to hear that Teri was moving on without him. But Kim had said it for a reason. She wanted him to get angry. And he had to work hard not to seem upset but after he had dropped her off, after he had stayed outside his old home and stared at the windows seeing a glimpse of Teri, he had felt hurt and angry and he had banged his fists against the steering wheel. Betrayed. It was all very illogical and hypocritical and childish - he was being a jerk.

But it all got him thinking. Why had she asked him to move out? The problems they had for years? The problems she had with his job? Or didn't she love him anymore? It was odd – throughout all their hard times he never once thought about leaving her. Never. And he had always been so certain of his love for her – and her love for him. _It would work out_, he had thought. _Things will get better_. But of course he had been lazy and he hadn't been willing to really work at it. He didn't think Teri had been working too hard at it either. No matter how much he loved her they had slowly drifted apart. Marrying so young had its disadvantages – you never got a chance to become a whole person on your own. It seemed like they had been 'Jack and Teri' and then 'Jack, Teri and Kim' forever.

So what had happened when she started her new job? Something she was so good at and he admired her immensely for? She had become engulfed by it – no wonder... His job had taken up most of his time for years and now she had found something to burn for – when _he_ wasn't enough. He knew very little about her job, didn't understand even when she passionately tried to explain, and he felt bad for not being more interested. Now they both had jobs devouring them but neither of them felt like they could discuss it with the other.

So what had been left? Kim. They had Kim. But Kim was a teenager now – she had no desire to hang out with her parents. Friends, school, her part-time job were more important now.

The house had seemed empty without her. A silence, an uncomfortable silence, had rested over the house as soon as Kim had slammed the door behind her on her way to adulthood.

When Teri had asked him to leave he had been shocked and surprised. It shouldn't have surprised him though. Teri was much braver than he. She at least acknowledged there was a problem. He just stuck his head in the sand. And now he was paying the price.

He smiled and looked at the woman in front of him. What price? His hand reached out and pulled down the strap of Nina's top. First the left and then the right. She was still looking at him questioningly. Did she know what he was thinking now?

"It's OK to say you miss them, Jack..."

Apparently she did.

"How come I feel like you know everything about me?" He pulled her close and kissed her shoulder.

She smiled up at him secretively.

"And how come I sometimes feel like I know nothing about how you feel?" He stared into her eyes.

She became serious and kissed him. "I think you know me better than anyone, Jack" she whispered. "But..."

He smiled and kissed her. "It's OK, Nina... you don't have to..." More kisses, harder and more persistent. His hands pulled down her top.

But she continued. "There are things that I don't want to share with anyone... I think you know what that is like too..."

He nodded against her neck. Mumbling his response. He knew. He understood. But right now he didn't want to talk. All he wanted was to hear her moan his name, telling him how much she wanted him...


End file.
